It seems as though all of the posts I have made throughout this year are inspired by some kind of revelation I’m having about my life (read: crisis)
With a lot of spare time on my hands and not a lot of outside stimulation, I’ve been overthinking and revaluating more than usual. If you read my last post then you might have guessed that I was going through some kind of identity crisis.
In attempts to gain back some control within my life, I discussed how I wanted to make big changes in my life. And while I have yet made any progress on the changes mentioned in that post, I have learnt some big lessons that I thought might be of interest to you.
Stick around at the end of the post to see how I’ve used these lessons to re-start a project that I have big plans for.
FIGURING OUT WHO YOU ARE
As we’ve all been spending a lot more time with ourselves this year, you might be in the same situation as I am right now.
I’m learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be, which is surprising because it makes me realise how much things have changed.
You know I love to talk about self-development on this blog, but I also don’t want to ignore the negatives that come with this kind of content. I’ve spoken before how sometimes I get lost in content and social media, because I become so focused on other people’s ideas that I start to ignore myself and what I really want.
This is something that I’ve recently learnt doesn’t just happen online because I’ve fallen into the trap of getting lost in real life too.
I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where we’ve tried so hard to blend in with the crowd or act in a certain way to make friends. Well, I’d managed to convince myself that this was a behaviour I no longer participated in since leaving school, but oh how wrong I was!
Entering a second lockdown, I have really had to prioritise the people I choose to reach out to.
While you’d think being indoors and with limited people for weeks on end is the introverts dream, I’ve found myself busier than ever before in terms of my social life. Being forced to stay away from loved ones has created this desperate need in people to reach out and stay connect by every other means possible, which is a lovely thing don’t get me wrong.
But it has forced me to take a step back and consider which relationships require/are worth the additional effort and which ones need to be left on the backburner for the time being.
I’d highly recommend taking some time to reconsider the people you have in your life, especially if you are still in a lockdown situation like me. It’s a great way to get a sense of clarity and reduce overwhelm, like any form of decluttering to be honest.
However, after this process chances are you will have more time on your own which if you’re someone like me results in additional reflection about who you are, the state of the world, and so on.
In all seriousness, being on my own more than ever before has helped me find myself – as cheesy as that statement sounds.
Because I am no longer surrounded by other people, hearing their opinions and copying their behaviours (I’ve also cut out social media for this reason, which I will do another post about at a later date) I’m forced to truly be with myself.
And it’s hard to lie to yourself, no matter how much you might want to.
While this all sounds very dramatic and kind of intense, what I’m trying to say is I feel reconnected to my true self right now. Because I don’t have to please or perform for other people, I get to focus on what really matters to be, the things that make me feel good and what works for me.
REMINDERS OF CHILDHOOD
This whole experience makes me think about being a child again.
There was a period of my life, before secondary school and social media, where I just did things because I wanted to. I listened to a certain kind of music because I liked it, I spend my time on hobbies that brought me joy, and I created things that I felt like creating.
While there was obviously some kind of outside influence going on during this time, I don’t remember being consumed by it. And while we all want to be liked and accepted at all stages of life, at this particular time I was still in that blissfully ignorant stage where I assumed the people around me liked me regardless, which meant that I didn’t have to change what I did or perform in new ways to get them to stay.
As we get older our need for social acceptance increases, naturally. Perhaps it is easier for me to look back on this time right now with hindsight because I am no longer part of a school, university or even traditional workplace where I have to face people on a daily basis. I never have to see other people’s reactions up-front so I no longer have to be effected by it, which gives me greater clarity on why we do the things we do for social acceptance.
But then again, there was always that one kid at school who just didn’t care what you thought of them, wasn’t there? I didn’t understand them back then, but I think I’m getting it now.
Spending time on my own allows me to explore things by myself. I am free from outside judgement and therefore don’t feel forced to fit into a certain expectation that someone might have of me.
I’m finding this whole experience liberating, to be honest, and I can’t believe that this is a state that some people experience every day! Is this what it feels like to have confidence and faith in yourself? We’ve been missing out, my friends!
As I said in my last posts, change is hard and some of the things I’ve been doing recently really have been hard work. Cutting out people, admitting my addictions, saying no, creating new habits – none of it is easy and I’m still struggling with all of these things as I speak to you tonight.
But I’ve also had a glimpse into what things can be like – what things will be like – when you’re free and I like it.
I’m so excited to get to know myself once more, learn what it is a like and what it is I really want. And I hope the same for you, my friends.
NEW PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT
In light of figuring out who I am and what I want, I have decided to relaunch my online magazine HerStory.
herstorymag.com was something I tried to launch at the beginning of the first lockdown, but in a fit of fear I couldn’t take action on it. Well, I’m fed up of waiting around for something good to happen to me and have instead decided to make it happen.
I’d love for you to check out my website, despite the fact there is no content on it as of yet. I’m planning on writing about similar topics to those explored on this blog, but less personal. So if you like my personal development, spiritual, and advice articles please consider checking out herstory for more in the near future.
This does not mean that this blog is going away, because I adore rachaelic and will continue to publish posts for you, my friends on here. I like the relationship we have developed on this blog, as I can speak to you frankly and be personal with you, so I will never give it up. I just want to try something new, too!
Stay safe and take care of yourselves.
Speak soon,
Rachael.
Photo by Thiago Thadeu on Unsplash
Rachaelic 