I haven’t wanted to write on this blog for a long time because I’ve disappointed myself.
Like many others, I went into 2020 with goals and exciting plans for the year ahead – all of which have either disappeared or taken a backseat in the light of current events.
One of these goals was my year-long no buy that I was so excited to go on, before I promptly broke it three months into the year. Perhaps even sooner than that.
I’m not going to make this post full of excuses, because that would be boring and unproductive for both of us. But basically, I set some rules for myself and I broke them.
This has lead me to feeling kind of guilty and kind of naughty: almost like I’m a cool rebellious person because I didn’t do things properly. It’s also made me think a lot about myself and my perspective surrounding what’s important to me right now.
Things are pretty weird right now. You don’t need me to tell you that.
Even though I’m someone who works from home and generally spends a lot of time within these four walls, I’m starting to feel a bit stuck. The fact that we’ve been told we can’t go outside makes me want to rebel – but I won’t, obviously, because I’m not a dickhead.
Feeling rebellious is a new thing for me. As a life-long good girl, I’m finding this period very interesting as it’s emotions I’ve never really had to deal with before.
I wasn’t a rebellious teenager because my parents always granted my brother and I enough freedom so we didn’t feel trapped, which would have given us a need to rebel.
I also wasn’t a hugely social person growing up so I never fell into the ‘wrong crowd’ meaning there was never a period of me acting out in the various ways we assume teenagers will do.
In fact, I feel like I’ve just started to get a life (socially, I mean) within the past year or so.
Which is great timing, considering I can’t see any of the amazing people I now have in my life nor can I finally go out and do things like I wanted to growing up. I understand that there are people in worse situations than me, so this isn’t a serious moan – I just thought it was kind of funny in a peculiar way that I finally get to have a life when the world stops.
With so many things changing and new rules being in the headlines every single day, there’s a lot of emotional baggage to be dealing with right now.
I’m trying to be positive and think about the changes that can come after this pandemic, but we all have our down days.
WHAT I’M ACTUALLY DOING
It may seem a bit shallow, but I’m using the current situation to get some perspective on myself and my goals.
Yeah, I’ve broken what I was hoping would be a life changing resolution and it’s kind of embarrassing to have to admit it, but it’s honestly not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
In fact, this whole lock down situation has changed my opinion on my spending habits in general, as once this is over I don’t ever want to say no to an invite, not support my favourite brands and local stores or even not treat myself to something I want again because we’ve been without it for so long.
As daft as it sounds, I’m essentially using this current pandemic as an excuse to stop my no buy resolution.
I want to feel free to spend the money I earn how I want, which I hope means I will naturally start to spend it more on experiences over things, anyway.
WHERE AM I GOING FROM HERE?
I still have a lot of learning to do and a long way to go when it comes to the balance of things and money in my mind. For the time being, I’m taking the pressure off myself because quite frankly I don’t need it right now.
If buying something like a book, lipstick or jumper makes you feel a bit better right now then I don’t see a problem with it. In fact, there is no better time than now to show your support for small businesses and independent creators – which are the areas I want more of my money to go into in the future.
These companies need your monetary support right now, so if you have the funds and are willing to help, why not do so?
This does not mean that we should all go ham and buy loads of things online, as obviously we are running with skeleton services and the added pressure isn’t necessary.
I just wanted to use my no buy and the fact that I’ve broken it as an example for anything that may be weighing you down or making you feel bad about yourself at the moment, with everything that is going on.
We just don’t need that shit right now, so push it away as much as you can and give yourself a break.
I hope you’re staying safe, friends. Remember to be kind to yourself, as well as remaining to others especially those who are still working to keep our world turning.
Do your bit by staying home (if you can) and keep washing your hands.
Share with me something that is making you happy right now, I think we all need it.
For me, it’s my dog who is so sleepy after his walk that he just wants to curl up in bed and cuddle which is the sweetest thing and my favourite mood of his!
Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
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