Welcome to 2022, friends! It’s a new year and for a lot of people today marks the first day back to ‘normal life’.
The holidays are well and truly over for most of us, so I thought it would be a good time to get back to this little blog of mine and talk to you all about some things that have been on my mind lately.
In the past, I have done New Years Resolutions without any success – and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
This year, I haven’t made any concrete resolutions for the beginning of another year but that doesn’t mean I don’t have things to be working on; areas to grow in or things I want to do. But instead of putting stupid pressure on myself and falling for that whole ‘new year, new me’ bollocks, I’m trying to take it at my own pace.
People like us are always working towards something, so it seems silly to put so much pressure on New Years Resolutions when we set goals regularly anyway!
That being said, there is something I want to focus on specifically in this new year and I want to share it with you tonight.
I’ve Had Enough
There’s something I’m leaving behind as we move into 2022 as it’s not going to help me get where I want to go – it’s never helped me and now is the time to say goodbye.
The thing I’m not brining into the new year is explaining myself.
Now, this is not a revolutionary concept and it’s something you’ve probably seen online elsewhere, if you’re into this self-development type stuff, yet it’s so relevant to me.
I feel like a lot of people are getting to this same point in their lives where we’re just tired of a lot of things we feel like we ‘have to do’. One of the biggest drainers for a lot of us (specifically women in my opinion, but it can also apply to all genders) is this constant need to justify ourselves; to explain ourselves to other people.
This is something I have done for a very long time, but it’s a behaviour/mindset that I’ve really noticed in the past few months.
Before the new year, I was reflecting about the changes I’d like to make and things I want to achieve and all that good stuff. You know how we get around milestones like this! Anyway, this concept of explaining myself kept coming up and it was something I was beginning to recognise within myself a lot.
It’s an insecurity thing, and it’s probably born in childhood like most problems, but explaining yourself is not a rare issue.
Feeling the need to justify everything you do; to explain yourself, the way you act, what you want to people is not an infliction I suffer from on my own.
I know many of you out there will have experienced the same thing, even if just at one point in your life, and if you can think back to these times then you will know that it can be so draining.
For years, I have been explaining myself to people and I’m only now realising how pointless it is.
I’m 26 soon, yet I still feel the need to seek approval from people (family, friends, and sometimes even random people) for everything I do.
This is a conversation we’ve had (and will continue to have) in terms of social media – how posting things can become a way to seek approval, to be seen as ‘cool’ and to be liked (literally and figuratively) online. But it also applies to real life too, and I didn’t realise how much until recently as I have been thinking about it a lot, and also experiencing it a lot too.
Here’s the thing, and maybe you’re already a few steps ahead of me; we do not need to explain ourselves to anyone.
Literally, honestly, seriously. There is no need for you to explain yourself, for you to try and justify your actions, your beliefs, heck, even the way you look to other people.
As cheesy as it is, this is where that renowned quote comes in:
“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”Bernard Baruch (not Dr. Seuss, apparently!)
Because it’s true. The people in your life who may be impacted in some way about your decisions (ie. your partner, your friends, close family), will get it, regardless.
This is not to say that the people who are most important to you will always understand what you are doing or why you are doing it, but they don’t have to. The people who matter the most will not mind what you do, how you look, where you go, because they care about you.
They want the best for you, whatever that may be.
Who Is In Control?
Explaining yourself takes away your power. It makes you seem insecure and it is a great way for people to jump in and make you question your decisions.
Even if you are steadfast in what you want, sometimes the seed of doubt can be planted – especially when it comes from someone you care about or respect. Which will then cause a need within you to explain yourself more, to justify your actions more, only to have these picked apart again.
It’s a cycle, and it’s one that I’m going to break in 2022.
No offence, but I really don’t need to know your (the royal ‘your’) opinion. Whether it is about my job, my relationship, the clothes I wear, how I spend my money, where I live, the colour I dye my hair, what time I wake up, what I do in the day… Whatever it is, I don’t need to hear your opinion.
Sure, advice is great and I love being able to talk to my family and friends about things when I need to. But unless I am asking for your opinion, I don’t need to hear it – and I will no longer allow myself to be effected by it.
I’m knackered and the last thing I need is to have to keep on explaining myself to people; even to the people I love the most.
If you care about me, then you will want the best for me because that is how I feel about you.
I trust that you know the kind of person I am and can see that I’m someone who knows what they want, what they like, and what they’re going to try (because I never know what I’m doing, but who does?!) With this in mind, you’ll be able to see – even if you don’t understand it or don’t like it – that what I’m doing is the right thing for me in the moment.
People are fluid, and I’m certainly an ever-changing person with new goals appearing at a rapid rate, but no matter the moment I do know what is right for me and what I want, so why should I explain that to anyone?
We’ve all got enough to worry about without adding the concerns of what others will think of us to that list.
Now of course, I’m not suggesting to ignore all of your loved ones or to never ask for advice again, but to instead get some perspective.
If you’re doing okay, you’re on the right path for you, then what does it matter if no one else gets it? You don’t have to explain yourself anymore.
This is the mindset I’m trying to bring with me and keep hold of during this new year, and I’d like to see you join me. Perhaps this isn’t an issue for you, but there is something else holding you back? Whatever is going on, I’d love to know.
Happy new year, lovely readers. I appreciate you being here and I hope to speak to you a lot more throughout 2022.