Sparkle – May, Myself And I #18

May 18: Sparkle

Sparkle for me is a very girlie thing.

Now I know it’s 2019 and that gender isn’t of any importance any more, but sparkle is something that feels very feminine to me.

Now you already know how much I love drag queens and anything else camp, so perhaps you’d assume that I’m a big sparkle lover myself.

However, even though I consider myself to be a feisty feminist (intersectional, obvs) now I wasn’t always a big supporter of womankind and anything that represented it.

During my teenage years I did the classic ‘I’m just one of the boys’ thing. It grinds my gears now, but honestly I didn’t know any better and I was just trying to make myself seem different – seem better somehow – than the other girls around me.

I have discussed throughout this writing challenge that I have always struggled with low self-confidence and one of the biggest insecurities is that I never feel like I’m being a woman right.

Like I said, I know it’s 2019 and there is no right way to be any gender anymore (which is fabulous, of course!) but this is just something I have grown up with. For me, being a woman comes with a lot of stereotypes ie, being pretty and being graceful.

These are just things that I’m not and I’ve always felt like I’m letting the side down in a way. Maybe that’s why I got into ‘alternative’ style clothing – very mildly – as a teen and chose to wear big boots and a lot of black to combat the fact that I never felt like a ‘proper girl’ – whatever that means.

There are a lot of feminine things that I feel like I can’t do properly and most of them are cosmetic.

I know that there is so much more to being a woman than simply looking good, but sometimes I get caught up in it all and feel bad because of it.

This is why it is very rare that you’ll see me in anything sparkly. As I’m getting older I’m trying to understand my feelings and educate myself on feminism more and I’m starting to feel better about sparkly things. It almost feels like I’m allowing myself to like them once more.

Covering yourself in sparkles and glitter isn’t a sign of weakness, as 14-year-old me thought. It doesn’t really say anything other than the fact you like glitter!

I’m trying to be kinder to myself and to accept that I too can be a woman in a way that is unique to me. The more I see from other people who aren’t afraid to be themselves, the more excited I get about being who I am and how it’s alright to be different.

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I hope this post made sense. I know what I wanted to say and I hope it came across raw but respectful. Essentially, the message is (as always) you do you!

Speak soon,

Rachael.