I love to take things slow. This should come as no surprise, considering I was late to my own birth and had to be brought into this world by force.

Slow mornings are a cornerstone of my life; they’re something I need to get through the day.

When getting ready for an event or night out, I’ll start in the middle of the afternoon so I have hours ahead of me to shape myself into the person I’m going to be that night.

Despite my passion for the snail’s pace, taking things slow is a skill I’m still learning and a mindset I’m trying to build in every facet of my life. Which is why I’m currently struggling with the way things are going for me.

I’m in a slow season right now. I am finding my days less full than they usually are, and a lack of progress where I’m desperate to see results.

As a freelancer, slow periods are expected but unwelcome. It’s totally normal for work, like all of life, to go through these ebbs and flows, yet despite several years of experience, I’ve still not learned how to prepare for it.

When work is slow, I find myself struggling to find meaning anywhere else in my life.

I have always sought out meaning in work and accolades, as much as I hate to admit it. From good grades and praise at school to my desperation to be liked in social settings, I get a lot of validation through what I do, not what I am. Therefore, when there is nothing to do, I don’t really know what I am.

The goals I was so excited for at the beginning of the year are beginning to feel stale, or worse, become a source of rage due to a lack of progress.

I know I can try harder, but I’m stuck in a cycle of repeating the same moves over and over again, and therefore getting the same results, much to my despair.

And this pattern is wearing me down, folks, I can’t lie. I’ve been in a mental funk for a little while now. I should be grateful for this time and space to figure myself out, use it to assess where my energy is going and re-prioritise, but of course I’m not focusing on that.

Like a true millennial, I’m looking for the next distraction, the next dopamine hit.

I guess that’s the point of all this – real work and real results take time. In this fast-paced, modern world, we’re not used to that anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love how instantaneous things can be nowadays. From ordering food to contacting a long-lost friend, everything can be done at the touch of a button.

But that’s obviously a blessing and a curse, isn’t it? It leads to all the rewards, quickly spent, and nothing to show for it.

Which leads to me, right here, whining like the spoilt child in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because ‘I want it now!’

Although this tantrum won’t get me killed(?) in a maniac’s factory, it is going to cause issues with myself, my loved ones and my work if I don’t sort myself out.

I’m writing to say, if you also feel this way, you’re not alone, but I’m mainly writing for myself. As Joan Didion said;

‘I don’t know what I think until I write it down.’

This mental funk doesn’t seem to be lifting yet, and ignoring it certainly isn’t going to help. Being honest with myself and forcing myself to face it head-on will hopefully make a difference.

How do you deal with a funk? Can you help a girl out?

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash