Wherever you go, there you are

• Confucius

It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go, you’re always going to be there. The skin suit you wear, the thoughts you have, and the habits that make up your day won’t go away, no matter how far you travel.

This sounds obvious – of course you cannot escape yourself – but that doesn’t stop the shock that comes with each realisation. Whether you have travelled the world, changed the way you look, or built yourself back up from scratch, you may be surprised to find that at the end of it all, there you still are.

I do believe change is possible for most people and there are many ways you can work on yourself. But no matter how hard you try or what you do, there is no escaping the fact that at the end of the road, you’ll be waiting for yourself once more.

One of the biggest joys of adulthood, for me, is looking back on who I used to be. I find it fun and encouraging to look back on who I was and struggle to recognise that girl, because it shows true growth. But while I may not fully recognise myself as teenager or the wild young adult I once was, I am still the same girl underneath it all.

I may have changed my appearance, my location, and my life but I’m still me.

This is why one of best things you can learn is acceptance. This is not complacency, nor is it ignorance. Acceptance is a form of peace, it’s a way to be able to sit quietly with yourself and feel nothing. Not the depressed nothing, but the peaceful, safe, contented nothing that comes from understanding your inner value.

We all have escape routes. Whether it’s drink, drugs, music, writing, eating, sex – we all have ways we escape the daily grind and try to find bliss, even for a moment. And while there is a time and a place for some kinds of escapism, too much of it can be soul-crushing.

Because when you come back down, you’re still there. The person you’ve always been, whether you like it or not, is there waiting after everything.

Being able to accept you who are at your core is the best way to move forward. If you are working from a space of hatred, frustration or lack, you’re only going to get more of it. In these circumstances, self-improvement just becomes another form of escapism and when you come back down? Yep, there you are.

It’s who you are in the quiet moments, who you are when you’re on your own, that is important here. That’s the you that stays, so you need to get used to it.

While I’m always trying to improve my mindset, my thought patterns, and my routine, there are parts of me that have remained since day dot – and they’re clearly not going anywhere. These are the parts of me that take over when I’m alone, when I have no distractions or no one to perform for, and sometimes I don’t want them there.

But in learning the art of acceptance, with some self-compassion, we can make the most of what we have and experience less of the shock that comes from seeing yourself once more. Accepting yourself does not mean letting yourself off the hook or just accepting that things ‘are the way they are’. Instead, it’s a way to get clarity, to learn more about who you are, and open up new areas of growth.

When you’re no longer fighting yourself and trying to push you away, you have more space to see these new areas. You have energy to create new opportunities to learn and grow.

At the end of the day, who you are has taken you to wherever you want to be. Whether that’s a physical place or an emotional one, you got yourself there. The least you can do is be grateful to see some familiar company in this new space, and be grateful to all the versions of you that can before.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash