Following my post yesterday, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the past. It’s weird to look back on yourself and feel like a completely different person.

Change like that happens gradually over time, until suddenly you can barely recognise who you used to be.

Looking Back…

I started this blog when I was 18 years old, and over a decade later I look and [mainly] act like a completely different person. Part of me still associates with that young, fresh-faced Fresher, but the majority is in amazement at what time does to a person.

It’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable with the past. For years, I harboured a lot of shame about who I used to be, but as I’m getting towards the end of my twenties I can see it for what it really is – a learning curve.

Sure, there are things I regret and wish I didn’t say at the time, but without the lessons I wouldn’t be here today. I’m learning to appriciate the girl I used to be because she got me here.

On With The Prompt: Saying Goodbye

It is very easy for me to identify the phase in life that caused me the most pain to move past from, and it has to do with being that naïve 18-year old.

University was always a big goal for me, so it makes sense that this was such a big part of my life. I cried when I found out I got into the university I wanted, alongside my parents, and the rest is history.

Times have changed a lot since I first packed up my dad’s car and moved into a cold, crumbling, and extremely basic student accommodation – but I loved it. I feel a bit sorry for students now, because I don’t think it’s the same.

Sure, we were weighed down with the fear of debt and careers, but back in 2014 it was common to go to university ‘just because’. When making the decision to go, student ambassadors would tell us to decide whether we wanted to go for the ‘education or the experience’, and I can’t imagine the same abandon is offered to teenagers now.

Anyway, after what had felt like a lifetime goal (bearing in mind, I was 18) I threw myself into student life.

Honestly, I was a complete nightmare. Looking back I can see that, but at the time I thought I knew everything. I was living on my own (kind of), earning my own money on top of student loans, and experiencing new things every day.

Unlike a lot of kids in England, I didn’t drink until I was of legal age (the teacher’s pet allegations never went away) so that whole side of life was new to me at the time, as well – and of course I threw myself into that as too. It was a big part of university life for me.

Alongside meeting my partner, making friends, and understanding more about myself, it is safe to say university changed my life.

Graduating And Moving On

Because I threw myself into student life so much, saying goodbye was devastating for me.

Despite the fact I was desperate to finish my degree by the end of it, coming home, living under my parent’s roof (full time) and being away from my partner was a huge blow.

That combined with the fact I got what would become the worst job ever, leading to some emotional issues, I was gutted to be finished with student life.

I tried to continue the habits of student life for a few years after my degree – even one time taking a taxi in the middle of the night to join my brother’s flat party – but, like all good things, it had to come to an end.

At the time, I couldn’t get over the sharp change my life had taken and thought my best days were behind me (at 22, mind. Can you imagine?) but now I’m more appreciative.

Sure, the change was hard, but there’s been so much more since then.

Some things don’t change – like my love of cheap drinks and loud music (until the next morning) – but others do and that’s one of the best things about growing up.

18-year old Rachael didn’t think life could get better, leading the newly graduated me full of doubt and fear. Now, as a fully fledged adult, I can happily say that your best days are not behind you – it’s just time for a new perspective.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Jonah Brown on Unsplash