When You Try Your Best, But You Don’t Succeed…

Have you ever felt like all of your efforts have been for nothing?

While I try to keep this blog an uplifting and majorly positive place, I can’t help but bring the tone down a little due to what’s going on in my brain right now, so forgive me.

For a while at the beginning of the summer, I was in a great flow state.

As you can see from past posts on this blog, I was on a roll. Not only was I writing a lot on here, I was doing a lot of work for my freelance role and I’d even started investing in another project for myself – herstorymag.com, in case your interested.

Now, however, everything seems to have dried up.

The well is empty, the field is in drought and there’s nothing going on in my life.

All of the seeds I had tried to plant have not even started sprouting yet, and I’m worried I might have killed them off before they even had chance to grow.

What is it with all these metaphors, you ask? It seems that I do have creativity begging to be let out somewhere, but I’m struggling to handle it.

I know we all get in states like this, especially with what is currently going on in the world. We literally cannot move forward in our physical lives, with businesses opening and then closing shortly after; things trying to return to normal, but nothing feels the same anymore.

This state it also going on in my creative life too.

To be honest, it feels like I’m running a race that I can’t win – yet another metaphor for you.

If I was to literally enter a race right now, with my current fitness levels and overweight body, there is no way that I would make it much further than the starting post.

I’d be left behind, watching everyone else race ahead. And that’s what I feel like is happening with my creativity, and sometimes my brain in general.

Like I said, I’m kind of lowering the tone for this post but I want to be honest and for me, honesty is easier to express when I’m writing.

(You know there’ll be a twist at the end though, so keep going)

While I haven’t received physical knock-backs in my life at the moment – I still have a job, and so on – I haven’t heard the replies I want. I’m just waiting. And I hate waiting.

As much as this period of time is making me feel anxious and like I’m falling behind, I know that there is value in it too.

There is a massive difference between knowing something and believing it though.

The universe [you can insert any other term you feel comfortable with here] seems to be giving me this period of stagnancy to see how I cope.

I’m constantly getting messages that I need to let go, relax and go with the flow of life which is something all control freaks are tired of hearing. Perhaps this period of nothingness is designed to force me into the flow.

Because, I’m stubborn and sometimes the only way you can get me to do something I don’t want to do is through a little bit of tough love; some force.

Why should this mean anything to you?

Whatever season of life you are in, I think there’s a purpose behind it. Good or bad, there is a meaning to everything that happens and it’s our job to figure that out along the way.

It’s a bloody hard job, I’ll give it that, but the clarity it can bring us is everything we need.

Stay safe friends. I hope you are well.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Agê Barros on Unsplash

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