Being a teenager is pretty shit. Anyone over the age of 21 will tell you that. Yet looking around, you may believe that this is the prime of your life. Books, movies, and TV shows will tell you that this is the time for living; this is your peak.

I was often told growing up that my teenage years would be ‘the best years of my life’ and found myself pretty disappointed for the majority of that decade. I felt like I was always waiting for this “best” to arrive.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had an okay teenhood. I had a lovely group of friends, I was happy in my family home, and I was generally fine. But my god, you could not pay me to go back to that time.

Being 14 was just so physically and emotionally uncomfortable, man. You’re growing into a new body, you feel all gross and sweaty and awkward all the time. You’re noticing other people around you changing, and often feel like they’re doing it much better than you. You’re barely in your teens but feel as though, somehow, you’re already far behind where you’re supposed to be.

As the decades have passed, I can look back almost fondly on my teenage self. I can see her as the scared, lost, insecure kid she was, and I have more compassion for myself now than I ever did. I can also laugh brazenly at old photos – the fashion disasters and try-hard poses that do nothing to hide the shame I felt being in this growing body.

And that’s the point of it all, I think. I don’t know a single adult who looks back at their teenage self and thinks, ‘damn, I looked good.’ There are moments of tenderness, of liking certain outfits, maybe. But everyone looks kind of awkward at that time.

Of course we do – we’re unfinished.

There’s always been pressure to look a certain way and be attractive from an early age, but I do think it’s getting worse for kids today. With social media and so-called online experts in glow-ups or looksmaxxing (pick your poison), being a bit unfortunate looking is no longer just a phase in life, but a moral failure you must fight.

Even as your brain is developing, you can’t concentrate because you’re a hormonal mess; even as you deal with random rages, cystic acne, and parts of your body becoming hairy and wider than ever before. Kids are expected to figure it out.

With the gift of hindsight, I can tell you that all your efforts now, at 14 or 17 or even 21, are fruitless. You’re always going to feel a little bit weird about your face and body at this time – and you’re supposed to.

Your body isn’t even yours yet, not properly. You’ve got a lot of growing to do, my friend.

I’m a proper adult now, and I’m only just beginning to feel settled in my skin suit. I’m only now just figuring out how I move through the world and where my lines end.

To assume you have to get this figured out at 14 is mad and sad. And anyone online telling you otherwise is lying to you.

Anyone who says they have the answer, whether that’s a skin serum, jaw exercises, or (god forbid) cosmetic surgery, is a bit fat liar.

I mean, those things might have worked for them, but there’s no guarantee they will work for you.

Please don’t listen and don’t mess about with yourself when you’re so young. Wait until your brain has developed a bit more and your body settles down.

It doesn’t matter what I say or type on this screen; teenagers are going to be teenagers. But give yourself a break, please. Your future self begs you.

And trust me, these awkward years will one day make sense as long as you make the right decision and wait them out. Use this time to develop friendships, learn hobbies, and explore. You have all the time in the world for the physical stuff later.

See my post Thank God For My Ugliness for more.

Take care of yourself.

Speak soon,

Rachael

Photo by Mark Timberlake on Unsplash