What a waste it is to spend your days hating the person you are, the things you do, and the words you use.

I used to think I was the only one suffering from this affliction, at least to the extent that I do. Now I’m a fully-fledged adult, and when I get my head out of my own arse, I can see that I have never been more wrong in my life.

Insecurity is a bitter plague that affects us all – unless there is some kind of mental disorder at play and you have never experienced shame, embarassment or understood when you are wrong. For the rest of us, feeling unsure of ourselves or uncomfortable in our skin, and persisting through our days with a sense that we are wholly wrong is, tragically, a shared experience.

But you’d never know it. It doesn’t matter the conversations you have, the books you read, or the songs you listen to where someone expresses so acutely the rot inside of you; we all feel like we’re going through this alone. We all feel like we’re not good enough, that something is missing within us and us alone.

Insecurity takes many forms. It’s not always easy to identify, and even harder to treat. From physical appearances to imposter syndrome to a general sense of apathy, this cruel affliction is present in most of the people you’ll interact with today.

And I, for one, am sick of it.

I am tired of spending my days worrying about who I am. It’s exhausting, this constantly measuring of yourself and seeing how you don’t fit into whatever mould or group or idea you want.

There was a time before all this. When we were too young to understand that we were separate beings from everyone else, we didn’t notice our differences to care about them in a significant way.

This may just be a fleeting memory, but there was a time when you didn’t feel like this.

Getting back there with a lifetime of experience and a developed frontal lobe is difficult, but not impossible. Now, instead of not recognising your differences, it is time to use them to your advantage.

One of the best tools I have found for insecurity is anger. To derive passion and change, you need to get angry.

Think about all of your wasted time and energy spent hating yourself. Imagine the love, joy, and creativity you could have done in that time instead.

This frustration can feel debilitating at times, but don’t let it hold you back. Use it as fuel for your next project, your upcoming gym session, or social event. Use this as a reminder of the time insecurity has taken from you, and how you want to move forward with freedom.

Who would you be without the insecurity plaguing you? Perhaps you’ll still be the same person; maybe there’ll be no outward differences. But you’ll certainly feel freer.

Without insecurity, you have energy, time and compassion for life. For the things you want to experience, learn, and see. For the person you once were and who you are becoming.

It’s time to get angry about the lies we have been told and the stories we tell ourselves. To feel fury at the time wasted and opportunities lost because we felt so full of self-hatred. Make a commitment yourself to try and be better, to see this as an opportunity to move forward – you never know what’s on the other side.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Hamid Samanian on Unsplash