People cannot read your mind.

As obvious as it may be, it can cause a lot of issues if, like me, you struggle to communicate.

Whether you’re asking for more, wanting to be involved, or simply want to be noticed, I hate to break it to you (and myself) but your aura is not enough.

How desperate you feel for the thing or how carefully you’re holding your expression does not make a difference – people need to be told what to do.

I know, the stories and songs and poems would have you believe that simply being around the right people is enough. That simply wanting and wishing and being present will get you there. But that’s not true and it’s simply not fair to the people around you.

Everybody’s Little World

Everyone has needs, and everyone is primarily concerned with their own world. That’s how it should be.

Because we’re all so concerned with ourselves, we do not have space to figure someone else out. The way you hyperfocus on what you say and how you look? Aye, everyone else is doing that about themselves too. No wonder they don’t have room for you!

That’s not to say you’re not worth it or that they’re not the right people for you, because sometimes it’s much simpler than that.

With everything else going (both in the world and within your own mind) trying to figure out what your friend or lover or that random person next to you on the bus wants is simply not feasible. All that energy and effort to try and guess just isn’t worth it. You’ll never know if you were right anyway, and you might end up doing more harm than good by just guessing.

This is why, I think, the best we can do is figure out what we want, and work from there.

Now, if the thing you want involves someone else – for example, you want love, you want attention, you want to be invited – then you need to communicate. That person needs to know that you want them.

I know, it’s bloody hard. It’s embarrassing and awkward and can bring up some weird, unresolved issues from childhood if you think about it too much.

But people will never know what is going on inside you, no matter how much you want them too unless you open up and let it out.

Geordie Wisdom

One of my favourite Geordie maximums is

“Shy bairns get nowt”

While this literally translates to shy children get nothing, it actually means if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

If you don’t speak, you’ll never know.

Like many Geordie kids, this was taught to me from a young age but despite how many times I’ve heard it – or seen it printed in fun, bold fonts by local artists – I still struggle to implement it.

There’s just no getting around it, Geordie or not – if there’s something you want, you have to ask for it.

And you have to remember, that asking doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get the thing you want. Even after that, you might still not get what you want because you cannot control other people – but at least you’ll be understood. You’ve tried.

I know. It’s hard, it’s awkward and it’s weird. But, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And you can’t get mad at other people for not knowing, either.

Bye Bye Shy Bairns

As you go about your day, your relationships and your routines, remember ‘shy bairns get nowt‘ and try to speak up for yourself.

It’ll be weird and uncomfortable at first, but what’s the worst that’s going to happen?

Someone says no? You don’t get what you want? You already don’t have what you want, but this time at least you’ll have tried.

You got this, we can do it. Let’s be brave and get rid of our shyness.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by youssef naddam on Unsplash