While we’ve all heard about ‘pretty privilege’ and probably witnessed examples of it in our own lives, I’m here to bring a counter-argument today.

Because, thank god for my ugly, awkward phase.

Thank god I’ve always been just outside of the beauty standard; I’m grateful I’ve always been just a little too ugly or a little too fat.

Now, this is not a shaming post about myself, nor is it a cry for compliments from my nearest and dearest.

I know what I am – I look alright, and as I’m getting older I’m getting more accepting of that. But there was a time when I was so desperate to be pretty.

Sometimes I still feel that desperation, but I had a lovely realisation the other day – watching some online creator, as I always do – that I’m grateful for my ‘ugliness’

All Of My Flaws

Here’s the thing; because I’ve always been outside of the beauty standard, I have never been able to rely on my looks.

Like all the weird, ugly, fatter kids out there I’ve always had an advantage up my sleeve that I didn’t quite realise until recently – I’ve had to develop a personality.

There’s a Pinterest post I saw like this a while ago, saying that the person was grateful they gained weight because it made they become funny or something. And while it’s a cliché, there is some truth in it that I’m only just realising.

Not being able to rely on your looks, meaning people don’t just give you a chance because you’re cute or skinny, means you have to do things on your own. You have to have a personality to make friends, find connections, and even launch into romantic relationships.

I’m not saying that I’m a complete hopeless case, or that being pretty means you don’t have to work for these things, but my goodness not having ‘pretty privilege’ can be a blessing.

Becoming Better

Not being part of the beauty standard saves you so much time, especially growing up.

Sure, I wanted to be desired and liked by boys when I was younger, but as that wasn’t happening I had to focus on other things. In the meantime, I had an amazing group of friends and hobbies that saw me through these young years and basically carved me into who I am today.

As I wasn’t desired or granted benefits because of my looks, I had so much extra time. I had the time to learn skills, practice my craft and find something I loved (which ended up being writing) because I wasn’t just cruising by on my looks.

This is not to say that hot people don’t work hard or don’t have problems (because we all know, Hot Girls Have Problems Too) but I am saying the space you have specifically when you’re outside the beauty standard, or just a bit weird, is actually incredible – even if it takes a while to realise that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also not using this post to brag about my amazing personality today or proclaim I’m such a great person because I’m not the most attractive person out there. But it is a chance for me to be grateful for the whole path that led me here and share this alternative perspective with anyone who might need it.

So you don’t get pursued as much as your friends or you don’t fit into a Small; you have something a lot of people struggle to develop later in life.

Being outside the beauty standard, being ignored as a teen and early adult means I did have the time to learn about myself, develop actual skills – which have led to a career – and work on myself.

Thanks to that, I’m a fully formed person who continues to love learning and growing.

Hot People Problems

Have you ever met someone within the beauty standard? Do you follow those men and women online?

My god, they are beautiful – but aren’t they boring?

There’s been a conversation lately about boring NYC influencers, and people seem to be shifting who they want to spend time and money on because we realise the bigger picture.

Sure, being pretty is great, but we want more.

With all the shit going on in the world, a pretty face or toned body isn’t giving us the escapism we need any more. We want more – more depth, more humour, more interest.

Again, let me reiterate that I’m not saying if you’re interesting you’re ugly, or that if you are attractive, you’re boring. This is not always the case, but it is a pattern I’ve noticed over the years.

I’m finally at a place where I can say with confidence that I do think it’s better to be on the other side of the beauty standard. You have space to grow and learn and do things that will last much longer than your appearance.

The youth Today

That’s part of the danger of ‘kids growing up so soon’, these days. It seems that nowadays, teenagers look like twenty-somethings and seem to bypass the awkward stage altogether.

While it doesn’t always feel like that long ago I was a teenager myself, so much has changed in over the years. You can see it in the kids you know, and while it’s just a normal fact to life, it’s also a bit sad.

This is a whole topic for another day, but I truly think you need some ‘ugly’ time to develop, and kids don’t seem to have that anymore. They go straight from kids to young adults, with no pre-teen or teenager stages in between. It’s a shame.

In the same vein, there’s so much that could be said about social media, magazines, influencers, makeup, surgery, and all that.

I’d like to dive in deeper another day, but for now, I wanted to shout out my fellow ugly kids and say it’s alright. If anything, it’s pretty damn amazing.

Go forth, you weird, sexy beasts – show off that amazing personality you’ve developed.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Fiona Dodd on Unsplash