Do you have a constant chattering going on inside your head? No matter what you do, where you are or how you’re feeling, is there a voice providing a running commentary?

This is certainly the case for me and it’s been my normal for as long as I can remember. But recently, I’ve been trying to take a step back and see who’s talking because it isn’t always my voice in there.

The Chatter And Repetition

I’ve mentioned this before, because it’s a realisation I come to frequently but soon get distracted by something else until it’s all but forgotten. However, many times the voice inside my head is not actually my own.

It takes some concentration to realise this, because it’s so easy to just take whatever your brain says as fact. When it’s been going on for such a long time, like mine, you just get used to hearing it and accepting it.

On a slow day, when you’re running low on energy and can’t fight back, sit back and listen to what’s going on in your head. I’m aware this is the beginning stages of meditation, but I’m not expecting you to drop into the lotus position, palms up and hum. It’s much simpler than that – just listen.

It’s likely that whatever is going on in your head is nothing new. It’s probably the same old story that’s been playing since you developed a consciousness.

You’re not doing enough, you look stupid, what do you think you’re doing, stop whinging, keep going, no one else acts like this, keep working.

Depressingly, it’s never the good thoughts that are on repeat. At least that’s the case for me, and I’m coming from a neurotypical, mentally well place.

We’ve probably all heard of the negativity bias by now, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Hearing the same nasty chatter day in and day out doesn’t make you feel safe, even if this is what the science says.

Even knowing the negative chatter isn’t true doesn’t necessarily make it go away. Which is where the listening comes in.

I know, I know. Focusing in on what you want to go away sounds counterproductive, but taking even just a second to truly listen to what’s going on is eye-opening. Underneath that nasty, ongoing noise is probably not your own voice.

It may sound like your voice at first, it may even be saying things you’ve said to yourself in the past. But if you listen a little bit further you’ll realise that it’s not organic. This nasty voice is not a natural part of you; it was put there.

Whoever put it there will vary from person to person, and you may even have several different voices based on your life circumstances. For example, some of the voices I hear are definitely my parents, but this does not mean everything belongs to them or me.

What Does This Mean?

While identifying the voice does not necessarily mean it will go away, it does make things a bit easier for you to manage.

When you can see that this chatter is not your own, it gives you more room to fight it or just ignore it. The voice telling you that having a break means you’re lazy so you better keep going was given to you by someone else. Whether it’s family, peers, or people from the past you’d forgotten about, the fact it does not belong to you makes it easier to get rid.

It’s easier to say ‘fuck off’ to someone else, and that’s exactly what you can do to the voice in this moment.

I’m not saying this is a permeant fix or will lead to long-term mental peace, but that second or two following the realisation is a great start. It gives you some relief and space to realise you can grow, change and move on if you want.

At least for me, identifying that I am not these thoughts and that I didn’t even decide on them in the first place is reassuring so I had to share.

Take care of yourself, let go of what isn’t yours and be gentle okay?

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash