I’ve spoken a lot recently about how I love my life and how grateful I feel to be living what was once my dream life.

I’m a professional writer (who finally gets paid for their work); I have a beautiful house with my partner and our dog; I have an amazing group of girl friends and often have several social events to look forward to at any given time.

While this sounds like I’m just using this space to brag, once again, there’s more to it. I want to share with you how I did it, so you can make the same kind of changes in your life.

Are you ready?

The Biggest Secret To Achieving Your Dreams

I managed to create (or manifest, if that’s the language that works best for you) my dream life through one major thing – luck.

That’s it.

Sure, there was work and learning and pushing myself to do things I didn’t want in between, but the main difference between me being quite happy with my life and someone who isn’t is luck.

I happened to be in the right place at the right time for a lot of my life.

For example, I got put in the same student accommodation as the man who would eventually become my partner. This one lucky event has lead to many of the other changes in my life.

As we all known, it’s easier to get a home when you’re not the only one paying for the bills – its through my relationship that I’m currently in my own home, which plays such a big part of my dream life. It was his job that supported us both when my freelance role was drying up.

In terms of my dream job, sure I studied for this and have worked hard, but I also just happened to be looking for a job when the vacancies in my field came up.

Other lucky factors that contribute to my current situation include the fact I do not have to care for family; I am not currently dealing with illness, or mental health struggles. And I’m sure there’s so much more.

We could have a massive conversation about class, privilege, race, and so forth here, because there is no denying that these factors have played a role too (I got lucky because things such as my education and my freedom in this country I was born in) but this not that kind of post. I’m trying to be light-hearted, but that doesn’t mean I am not aware of the world outside my window.

I’m not trying to defend myself, as you often find people doing in conversations about luck and privilege, because truthfully there is no difference between you and I; between the dream life and the unhappy one.

I just got lucky.

Selling The Dream

Of course, you can’t bottle up luck to sell it, which is why you will never hear it being mentioned in the self help world. But that doesn’t stop people trying.

As someone who spends a lot of time in spiritual/ self help circles, I see this first hand constantly. I have even participated in it myself – sometimes paying actual cash money for online courses, but more commonly signing up to workshops and endless mailing lists because I too wanted the ‘secret’ to making life better.

When you’re struggling, no matter the reason, all you want is a quick fix. And people capitalise on this; they always have an always will.

Learning how to better yourself and make changes to your life is a positive experience – it can be a great use of your time. However, like with anything, too much of it can turn your brain to mush.

And that’s how these daft courses, workbooks, and other expensive ‘digital products’ become so valuable.

There’s many conversations happening these days about media literacy, and while I find it fascinating and relevant to this conversation, I am no where near qualified to talk about that in depth (I studied magazine journalism, for goodness sake – literacy may not be my strongest suit!). However, there is something to be said for the lack of nuance, understanding and research and the ongoing success of ‘life coaches’.

Side note: always be wary of someone claiming to be a coach online. Unless they have true qualifications (such as PT), it’s probably a scam. For reference, MLMs use this kind of language.

This is not to say that help cannot be found online or through your peers.

I continue to be a big fan of self help and self development; it is the basis for this entire website, after all. But I’m getting tired of people selling the lie, and I feel sorry for people (usually young and/or vulnerable) falling for it.

As someone technically on the ‘other side’ of all that, because I got what I wanted and am living proof that change can happen, I know what truly goes into it. And that it cannot be bought or forced.

Make Your Own Luck

Like I say, I still continue to spend time in these self help circles. I still love to read, listen and watch things about self development and spirituality.

But this scam is rife in these sectors, and has inspired me to write this.

I still, sometimes, find myself falling for it; wondering whether I do need to buy something or make specific changes to get even further.

If I’m feeling that way from a generally good place, as I’m lucky enough to find myself in these days, that means people who are struggling are dealing with an even bigger pressure.

Do what makes you feel best; consume the content you enjoy. But please (please please) don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not doing enough. Your time will come.

Creating a better environment for yourself right now, both physically and mentally, can go a long way in supporting this journey and just helping you get through the daily grind. But no influencer, life coach, or spiritual channel is going to sell you the right way to do this.

Enjoy what you want, but be mindful of the motive to keep yourself safe.

This video by Emma Thorne inspired me today, so thank you.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash