I go into huffs with myself a lot.

As I’ve already mentioned a few times, my life right now is pretty good. I finally have everything I wanted, but I catch myself falling back into my plateau of being negative.

Whether I’m whinging I didn’t get enough sleep, I don’t want to do my work (despite the fact I love my job) or just have a general grumpy vibe, it gets old pretty fast.

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Getting annoyed with myself has been working for me, lately. It forces me to pull myself out of the stupor and get a grip, basically.

I find myself whinging about feeling gross, okay so get a shower. I find myself stressing because I have a craving, okay so eat the food.

It really is that simple, but I’m sure I’m not the only one that over complicates things.

I think we get so used to ignoring our own signals, pushing on, being productive that even when we have the answer right there, we don’t do anything.

Of course, some of these things are easier than others. For example, I work from home so I can just get up to make a drink or take a shower whenever I want. But there are other ways you can give yourself what you need even if your situation is different.

I’m really trying to learn my natural rhythms and my behaviour patterns. This doesn’t mean letting myself off the hook and just doing the base-level things I want (sleeping, scrolling, eating sugar from the bag), because I know they aren’t true desires.

They’re habits I’ve fallen into, coping mechanisms and the ‘easy way out’ from whatever is really going on.

It’s difficult listening to yourself and figuring out what you really want. Finding your true voice, and all that. But even in these small ways, of moving when I feel like I need to move, taking a shower, finishing a chore, I get closer to myself.

There’s often a lot of resistance to meditation, and I know there are times when I’m just not in the mood to sit in silence – and that’s okay. Figuring out what works for you and how to do what’s best for you is the main thing, and I’m learning that no one else can dictate that for me.

Speak soon,

Rachael.

Photo by Tsunami Green on Unsplash